An Affair to Remember!

I have missed writing nonsense and here I am to finally satiate that hunger. Speaking of hunger, we already know that our country may produce food grains to a large extent thanks to the various revolutions in agriculture in the past. However it never quite trickles down to the desired segment as often as our policymakers would like.

No, this isnt a boring piece on our food problem. On the contrary, its about something more 'micro' in nature. The institution of marriage and how it, just like our country's policies never seems to rid itself of all the evils.

My Grandmother (Hereinafter referred to as Granny) is a woman on a mission. A Mission which can be considered even tougher than the ones Bond or Cruise go through in their flicks. She is trying to get the 'Indian' woman settle down in life through marriage. Yes, her very own Marriage bureau. I was never interested in any of her work until one day she told me of a disturbing account, which I was quite saddened by.

Granny received a request from a girl, about 30 years of age, who wanted to settle down through 'Arranged Marriage' and sent her the vital details required for the same. Granny met this girl who wasn't very attractive to look at but did her bit by supporting her mother through her Dad's long illness post unemployment and also supported her younger sister's education. Not to mention that she had two prospective alliances broken before she approached by My Granny.

The family didnt have much to shout about, except it's brief moment of happiness when the eldest daughter got married into a very nice family and was now very happy. Somehow, Granny found a suitor who initially agreed to meet up and then said 'Yes' (A big word in Marriage terms) to the girl.

The girl's family communicated that they wont be able to afford a lavish ceremony for the engagement and that this would be a pre-condition to everything else. The groom's family agreed to it. My Granny had a nice smile on her face that day. She instructed the girl to save as much as she could for the engagement and ensure that atleast immediate families could enjoy a simple yet proper ceremony as per the community's norms.

Then one day, the sister of the groom decided to change the family's stance. She said that considering that the groom's family was a wealthy one, a simple engagement wont suit them. The groom's family would pay for half the costs but would want it at an expensive 'hall' with lots of people invited.

The girl decided to take this in her stride and even though my Granny complained at this last minute change, she wanted to give this another chance. Then the groom's sister wanted to speak with the girl's maternal uncle urgently (who had been out of the picture by his own choice)

The uncle couldn't make it on short notice as he had gone with his wife on a vacation. The groom's family visibly showed displeasure on this. Then, the groom's sister then put some more conditions on the girl which hinting at trying to get a 'I Give Up on this' from the girl. With the rising demands, the girl decided to back out and my Granny agreed with her stance.

What I am trying to point out through this account is, Many of us believe dowry and domination of women in the name of small favours etc during Marriage are a long gone trend, however this is not the case. People (especially women) strangely still love to cash in on their son's/brother's marriage and end up spoiling the experience (both present and future) of their fellow women through such cheap tricks.

Even the love marriage network doesnt escape this, I have heard of families requesting the girl's father for certain amount of gold even in a love marriage scenario. Yes, a daughter has a right on her fathers monetary assets but this is bulldozing your indirect charge on them!

My Granny has a beautiful quality of not giving up on anything and she will try her best to get a good alliance for the girl.

I hope that we stop using Men as Cash magnets and stop harassing women and their parents on and after the wedding day through indirect favours without uttering the word, 'Dowry'

For we are not educated if we do so, just literate enough to know what's good and bad and yet feign ignorance when it comes to the bad!

I sincerely hope, we change for the better, but I cant lose hope, especially not when my 79 year old grandmother refuses to!

ANI...what does that stand for?

Now after months of making fun of everything under the sun (including myself) I thought maybe I should stop and look at myself again so that I can make some more poor jokes of the specimen that is fondly known as ANI. Of-course ANI may stand for many things, his friends, his family, his values (yes even I have values) but one thing that is totally evident to one and all...its ANI stands for...AMBITION NOT INCLUDED....right? Well that is how it is perceived and yes sadly its now as evident as the 'M' sign of McDonalds!

(Please note Project ANI will be addressed as it....so dont get freaked out)

Well Project ANI had a lot running on it from day 1....13th of August 1986. It was supposed to be the beacon of light in the family. To some extent ANI turned up during its early years....as all kids were....even ANI made everyone smile a lot. To add to this...it was witty as well.

Intelligence was in abundance as informed to us by 'sources'....but there was always one statutory warning....ANI did stand for Ambition not included.

ANI's creator in chief....its mother is an amazing woman who has sacrificed a lot for the family and naturally after one experience with her hubby, who even though is a gem of a person.... wasn't exactly well settled; she had great hopes from ANI....as any mother should...alas ANI was slowly turning out to be a creation who just didn't want the same things.

ANI had some disgusting ideas of writing books and his 'ambition' so to speak was to be a 'good person'....yeah I know you're probably laughing at this excuse to avoid hard work....yup that it probably was....ANI was always lazy...but guys....tell me if ANI had intelligence.... wouldn't he come up with a better excuse apart from the very laughable and debatable and extremely subjective 'being a good person' excuse? (Another thing I didn't tell you...Project ANI came with a high doze of argumentative skills...so really that excuse could actually be true...right?

Project ANI did manage to become a banker...not a very good one...thankfully also completed its graduation....but was lacking the seriousness to get the one thing left on the agenda....a post graduation degree.....ANI didn't have the guts to tell its creators that it had no interest in accounts, banking or anything that dealt even remotely with numbers.....Project ANI wanted to be an author, script writer, dreamer (we all are...hehe) and his silly good person thing.

Right now neither was it a great banker....not a post graduate (failing in the same exams 5 times)...neither on the right track to writing novels...so that just left one thing....yeah the silly good person thing....oh it was trying mighty hard at that...atleast thats what 'sources' tell us!

Project ANI always regretted that it couldn't make its creator...its mother happy....Project ANI wanted to buy a house now...he felt he could make an investment and rise a little in the eyes of its creator....but who would blame the creator if the creation had produced so many duds in the past....which creator would trust its little one again....Its mother is a wonderful creature....she still does forgive the creation for all its shortcomings and always appreciates the little things...but the sorrow of not having seen its creation at least scale the logical heights....always kills a small part of her everyday.

Project ANI on the other hand has nothing to complain....it knows that its mother wants the best for it....although finance and other numbers stuff is boring and it cant fathom any of it....sources say ANI will try earnestly this time....so that it can rise up again....so that none of its friends or family members get too far ahead in the race of life.....

An extract from a recently released song describes where Project ANI stands at this moment...at a crossroad.....

"Raahein aisi jinki manzil hi nahin
Dhoondho mujhe ab main rehta hoon wahin

Dil hai kahin aur dhadkan hai kahin
Saansien hai magar kyun zinda main nahin"

Project ANI may never take off and disappoint till its bitter end....or maybe...just maybe....just like it gives 100% for its family....it can throw out the crap of being a writer/author/good person mumbo jumbo and get that post graduation and better job....so that it gets to see the one thing it longs for more than its so called ambition.....the satisfied face of its creator....its mother...and then he can say with that long forgotten child like glee....."Ma....I made you proud na?"

Yaadon Ki Baarat and all that Jazz!

Alright.....I have returned from a self imposed exile....just like Dhai Kilo Deol did few months back....only his comeback was a flop and my chances dont look so promising as well.

Anyway, the 31st of December saw a few ups and downs.....one of my favourite colleagues....very senior to me....retired and we all had our moments when everybody spoke at his farewell function.

Spent the evening drinking a lot of rum...and watching men behave in weird ways when the clock struck the 12 am.... of course neither were they as irresistible as Lara Croft or as sweet as Cinderella....but still shook their so called booty to Sheila ki jawaani and Munni Badnaam....like there was no tomorrow (Oh well they were into tomorrow....sorry today...bad one...please ignore)

For a while it was fun to watch...then we decided to leave before we threw up to a sight of men dancing to Kaanta laga (they didnt...hopefully)

Ofcourse, later that night.....heard the most simple song which really got me into the new year with a new zest....Yaadon ki Baarat nikli hain aa dil ke dwaare...I was walking with my bro...Pratik Khopkar....and heard this song....2010 had gone...like 2009 and 2008 before....it....here I was still walking into the new year....with my bro at my side.....I didnt know what it would bring...and what I'd end up losing but I knew....sure as hell I'd want to hear that song on 31st December 2011 as well!

ofcourse the babe's were all safely on their beau's bikes.....and we 'changoo mangoo' were loitering around. We took a trip down memory lane whilst passing MLDC...the place that made us brothers...We remembered all the silly things we did and laughed about it. Life was going to bring in new surprises this year and while we are always ready for a fight.....we cant forget what went by...

Ofcourse....our transition into the new year would have been even better if we had Renee Zelwegger and Catherine Zeta Jones dancing on that number....."All that Jazz" with those amazingly sexy outfits....but I guess thats as illogical as 'day dreaming at night' which we were doing...lol (another bad one...u see...I'm getting to old for blogging)

Anyway.....2010 was a fun year....I thought I made a difference to myself....although stats prove otherwise....failure at exams proving to be a very strong contender.....but then life is also about numbers.....and hopefully 2011 will bring in the necessary 5's and 6's before those 0's that I come up with at the exams

My return has been less irritating I hope...but thats coz I am still rusty from the after effects of watching a Mohd Kaif type guy dancing on Sheila ki jawaaani...instead of his more desirable namesake!

But rest assured I will come and irritate you (if u wish to read this) in the near future.....May the force be with you....(Thats for Star Wars fans.... OR constipation patients OR both!)

Dhanyawad!