No, this isnt a boring piece on our food problem. On the contrary, its about something more 'micro' in nature. The institution of marriage and how it, just like our country's policies never seems to rid itself of all the evils.
My Grandmother (Hereinafter referred to as Granny) is a woman on a mission. A Mission which can be considered even tougher than the ones Bond or Cruise go through in their flicks. She is trying to get the 'Indian' woman settle down in life through marriage. Yes, her very own Marriage bureau. I was never interested in any of her work until one day she told me of a disturbing account, which I was quite saddened by.
Granny received a request from a girl, about 30 years of age, who wanted to settle down through 'Arranged Marriage' and sent her the vital details required for the same. Granny met this girl who wasn't very attractive to look at but did her bit by supporting her mother through her Dad's long illness post unemployment and also supported her younger sister's education. Not to mention that she had two prospective alliances broken before she approached by My Granny.
The family didnt have much to shout about, except it's brief moment of happiness when the eldest daughter got married into a very nice family and was now very happy. Somehow, Granny found a suitor who initially agreed to meet up and then said 'Yes' (A big word in Marriage terms) to the girl.
The girl's family communicated that they wont be able to afford a lavish ceremony for the engagement and that this would be a pre-condition to everything else. The groom's family agreed to it. My Granny had a nice smile on her face that day. She instructed the girl to save as much as she could for the engagement and ensure that atleast immediate families could enjoy a simple yet proper ceremony as per the community's norms.
Then one day, the sister of the groom decided to change the family's stance. She said that considering that the groom's family was a wealthy one, a simple engagement wont suit them. The groom's family would pay for half the costs but would want it at an expensive 'hall' with lots of people invited.
The girl decided to take this in her stride and even though my Granny complained at this last minute change, she wanted to give this another chance. Then the groom's sister wanted to speak with the girl's maternal uncle urgently (who had been out of the picture by his own choice)
The uncle couldn't make it on short notice as he had gone with his wife on a vacation. The groom's family visibly showed displeasure on this. Then, the groom's sister then put some more conditions on the girl which hinting at trying to get a 'I Give Up on this' from the girl. With the rising demands, the girl decided to back out and my Granny agreed with her stance.
What I am trying to point out through this account is, Many of us believe dowry and domination of women in the name of small favours etc during Marriage are a long gone trend, however this is not the case. People (especially women) strangely still love to cash in on their son's/brother's marriage and end up spoiling the experience (both present and future) of their fellow women through such cheap tricks.
Even the love marriage network doesnt escape this, I have heard of families requesting the girl's father for certain amount of gold even in a love marriage scenario. Yes, a daughter has a right on her fathers monetary assets but this is bulldozing your indirect charge on them!
My Granny has a beautiful quality of not giving up on anything and she will try her best to get a good alliance for the girl.
I hope that we stop using Men as Cash magnets and stop harassing women and their parents on and after the wedding day through indirect favours without uttering the word, 'Dowry'
For we are not educated if we do so, just literate enough to know what's good and bad and yet feign ignorance when it comes to the bad!
I sincerely hope, we change for the better, but I cant lose hope, especially not when my 79 year old grandmother refuses to!
