Survival of 'Phitest'

Incredible India has seen some good and bad things since my sabbatical from this not so note-worthy blog. As I tirelessly wandered through the roads of Santacruz and Khar....(usually I take an autorickshaw...hence the overemphasis on wandering). I couldnt help but notice that if we keep aside the taller buildings and hoardings and the various shapes of new cars....we are all still in the very same place. (Yeah...n I dont mean the address....its just that I feel that through time...though things have changed so much...ironically....its all still the same deep down)

The roads havent changed...just like the BMC....always has given us the service we come to expect of it! Then there is the "Kachra Kachra Kachraaare....eeeee....Kachra Kachra Kachraaare....eee" Im sorry about that I had to sing a Himes bhai song to describe how the garbage we saw 10 years ago thrown beside roads has not changed....despite the new self proclaiming 'more educated and secular' government that came to power and donated us garbage bins as evident from their Chamcha hoardings!

The rains dont start and when they do....news channels cover it like its a flood in Bihar or West Bengal. That I fear will never change....coz journalists are used to breaking the news.....(offence intended)

12 years ago...there was a successor to Maradona.....even now there is.....and there will be news ones every year for the next 12 years if Argentina keep disappointing in world cups!

Coming back to India......few years ago....some idiots went all the way to the Parliament and didnt kill a single politician....instead killed police and other security staff....(people who were actually doing thier job!) The guy that was caught....is still alive!

Circa 2010....some idiots thought taking over Mumbai would be fun....but ended up creating a havoc.....and now even after the guy they managed to catch is convicted....well....same story....still alive!

Almost 10 years ago.....the dubiously christened Gujrat ka "Maut Ka Saudagar" was busy planning his rise into active discussion on biased news channels...today 10 years later....he is a star! And Im not talking about the director of Saudagar (hehe) That Ghai...oops guy would be called "English ke maut ka saudagar"

The original Maut Ke Saudagar.....the men from Bhopal who shuda been imprisoned....well....they are stars as well these days and 26 years later...they have got some sentences which they most definitely can/will challenge and prolong the sentence to another 26 years ....Jai Ho!

some years ago.....one party bashed up people on the road.....now some other parties indulge in that! Its a free for all on the streets of Mumbai!

In all this....the common man/woman has survived the pitfalls and potholes and become a unique breed....the one that never says or does anything....just takes it as it comes.....following the dude who started it all years ago....get hit on one cheek...show them the other....by the time they are done....u wont have cheeks but u will have your pride!

So I end this with a few words dedicated to us....for in this battle of survival of the phittest...we have done what was necessary....survived the inflation in the economy and our waistlines....and as we move toward another decade.....the seriousness of the latter (waistline) will be of more importance to us!

Bye for now....and those people who dozed off while reading this....WAKE UP!

Now thats.....Entertainment!

Even the McMahons of the wrestling entertainment business couldn't do what Rukh Rukh and his chuddi buddie (langotiya yaar in english for me) director did.

Now it isn't every day that an 'honourable' (haah!) politician indirectly urges the public to go watch a movie. Everyone did their bit and got to their slice of the pie....

Politicians travelling by train isn't a gimmick that was original in India, but in India we seem to love appreciating stunts made by the stars of our film industry and our political scene which isn't any less filmy than the former.

As a lazy bugger I get confused on issues even though I'm in tune with these stunts and chewing the popcorn while watching the idiot box. I still don't get the issue into that tiny malfunctioning brain of mine.

There are various points to this though,

First question why does Rukh Rukh Khan want our neighbour's cricketers and why was he so unhappy with the 'treatment' dished out to them? (Although it was an auction n Rukh Rukh himself didn't bid for them!)

A)Is it because Rukh Rukh feels his floundering knights from the 'Indian Gully Cricket League' would be bolstered by a our neighbour's who lost 3-0 (out of 3 tests), 5-0 (out of 5 ODIs) and the lone gully cricket match to a team which England beat in the Ashes and could prevent a whitewash in the ODIs as well (no disrespect to them!)

B)The captain of our neighbours cricket team called him up and said, "Please Rukh Rukh bhais we wants yous too helps us in salvagings some imaan and izaats (considering we r getting trashed by Ozzies with no Lees, Mcgrath, and warnes) and sos wes reqists yous to creates stupid controversies and takes our side and feel bura for us despite us beings useless (cant add 's' to that)" (hence the stupid traitor remark made by the Crouching Cub and Hidden Tiger of Mumbai's politics)

C) The trailers of his new film weren't being watched that much, so he decided to do something to atleast let people know about it via the media and with the help of the Crouching Cub & Hidden Tiger of our lovely city? His chuddi buddie wont mind

One never knows what Rukh Rukh wants....but its entertaining.... of-course its sad he is now trying to remind people that indeed his last name is Khan in case anyone forgets!

Crouching Cub and Hidden Tiger are kinda facing an image crisis I guess...due to the emergence of another similar character like them, a son of the soil dragon breathing fire and stones...(lets call him enter the dragon for the time being)
In this desperation, competition is high between the 2 clans to prove to us the common people how much each of them cares about our culture,sentiments and etc etc. No wonder that everyone's saying save our tigers!!!!!! Well only 2 left in Mumbai I guess!

To add to their misery, we have a new entrant into the "Haath" wala party train travelers club after "Chi Chi" did the same few years ago...ofcourse he was later being called Chee Chee....but thats a whole other issue.
Unlike what the crouching tiger,hidden tiger or the outcast cousin the dragon, its not important where he came from (not which station but which city...lol) but the prime minister in waiting wanted to alight at the station that read "Peoples Hearts" Too bad no politician seems to be invited there.

He has a plan and that is to drill it into the youth that we are Indians first...fair enough....we must be Indians. In fact we are Indians, but tell me Mr. PM-in-waiting baba, Indians seem to call Calcutta, Kolkatta these days, Madras as Chennai but somehow these same Indians seem ashamed to call Bombay as Mumbai? Nothing wrong in keeping with the times and calling the city its current name no matter who changed it right?

Mumbai may be for all...but guys guys....she isn't a prostitute now is she? That anyone can come here screw some money of her and then courier or even wire it back to states where public money is spent on building statues of elephants of the human and animal kingdom!

Sure freedom is our right and we should enjoy it but with it Indians should remember to respect Mumbai and start calling her by the name for a start....maybe Indians should stop bringing in unnecessary elaborate attempts to UP-ise or Bihar-ise it for a change...just a thought Mr. PM in waiting.....

Oh and one more thing Mr. PM in waiting....whats with the "We must be Indians" sermon and then almost agreeing to form 2 states out of Andhra? Or was it due to some politician singing, "Kya hua tera waada...woh kasam woh iraada!

As a lazy bugger, I dont have the energy to take sides....but if Rukh Rukh, PM Jr and the tigers and dragons of Mumbai actually shut up and do thier jobs instead of telling me about being an Indian by hugging our neighbours or being a Maharashtrian by beating migrants and calling other Indians traitors for thier opinions...maybe just maybe I'll start to believe in them.

I'd like to forget this shit and be lost in my own world, but as a wise man said....There some things you cant forget...for everything else there's Alchohol!

Bye

Jai Hind aani Jai Maharashtra!

I'd like to thank......

Once upon a time, I was born in this world. Since then I have remembered 3 constitutional rights, 1) Eating all you can

2) Sleeping whenever you can

3) Complaining all you can at the slightest opportunity!

Yes those 3 beautiful things that every lazy bugger always stands by. But in the recent past, things seem to be a lot clearer despite the rising pollution levels in Mumbai. I may not be able to see stars anymore but I can now see things more important than them.

When I joined school, the complaint was that there were richer kids with much better lunch boxes and compass boxes. I didnt like the fact that I didnt have them. I would secretly want to be in their place. Yeah Yeah I was pathetic....kids are like that and what would surprise you is that even I was a kid!

At home, my mom seemed to be the one person who would find many flaws in my character and I never liked her for that. I had complaints from my dad too....I didnt get as many material things from him as the other 'Bandra' kids would from thier old men!

But my old man and his wife gave me 3 things in such abundance that I can never run out of them...and those wonderful gifts are love, patience and understanding. Now I dont wanna be in any other place!

But even though its not possible to turn back time and change myself...I'd like to thank my parents for being there and bearing the 3 stupid rights that I'd throw at them from time to time.

I complained that I didnt have many great friends until I met 3 idiots just like me in school. And though they're much smarter....I seemed to connect with them and till date I'm very close to each one of them. Bhanu, Rochan and Nimish.....I dont know how I'd enjoy school life without you three!

College didnt seem the glamorous type (for me a glamorous college would be one serving pizzas and 'amburgers for me whenever I'd want to have one!)....but there I met another 3 lunatics who have made my life all the more special. Kunal, Navin and that imbicle of a little brother that I have adopted...Pratik. Sometimes I wonder do all good things come in three's, first my stupid rights, then my family i.e. Mom, Dad and my ego (hehe) and then friends who would have one quantity in abundance, that I crave for...honesty in thier words, thoughts and opinions (dont look at me...even liars like me can have 'true' friends...hehe!)

Anyway as I come to the end of this oscar type speech.....I'd like to give each one of these special people an oscar for bearing a pompous arse like me! You guys make me tick.....and even tho Im a prick...im sure our relationship will stick...

I'd like to borrow a line from the friends theme song to bring this post to an absolute cliché...but hey I really mean it when I say.....I'll be there for you...coz you're there for me too!

April fool banaya....on January 1st 2010

One of the leading newspapers earned some extra cash on the first day of this new year by posting an advertisement which broadly states that we must 'love' our 'dear' neighbours.....yes those 'kind hearted' , 'warm' , 'non fundamentalist' , 'non violent!' people who so dearly love us!

I think the idea is nice....but they should have posted it on the first of April....because then we could understand the joke behind this 'serious' post!

Atleast Mr. Chopra's new film agrees with the idea....Love between us and our 'dear' neighbours is one heck of a 'PYAR IMPOSSIBLE'

Now there are many of you who would disagree and yeah you are entitled to your opinion, but within a year since another gruesome attack by the 'cooks' from our neighbouring country (Qasab seems to pakao a new story with ease thanks to his culinary talents)

They did manage to cook up a storm and now a year later, conveniently we want to forget that....sorry I'm not Sanjay Singhania....and hey even he didnt forget his revenge!

Now now....I am not supporting the 'kamal' or the 'haath' or any elephants, cycles, tigers and even railway trains. I have watched the news (lets forget the biased news channels) and though thankfully I didnt lose anyone on 26th of November, peace for me sounds as hilarious as 3 idiots....(I meant it...the film is amazing!)

Now I dont want to be an 'idiot' and forget everything that happened and dont blame me for the paranoia about civilians from our neighbouring country walking free in cultural programs....coz try and imagine this.....If a cook can be part of a master plan and keep Mumbai on the edge for close to 72 hours....what can thier singers, comedians and other 'consummate' professionals do if given the opportunity! (That was mean of me....but hey atleast I dont dangle an automatic kalashnikov on the road and terrorise people!)

Not to mention, one of the so called partners in this exchange from our 'dear' neighbours side is ironically called 'Jang' if my memory serves me right!

So call me what you want...this lazy bugger wants no such pathetic attempt at peace...whats more I dont want a single man/woman or child from our neighbouring country to earn even a single rupee from our land.

But that wont happen coz our film buffs and celebrities love to be associated with their singers who either sound like they're constipated..remember the 'kaise bataye....yeh pet haaye yaara bataa na paaye...tu jaane naa' (ok I modified it) and then lazier bums singing 'thodi si to lift karaa de' . (Will I enjoy these songs...Kabhi Nahi Kabhi Nahi...Kabhi Nahi!)

I may be unreasonable....but so many wars and attacks later.......I have lost patience with these c(r)ooks!

But then our elected government would decide whether they should 'badhao' the 'haath' or not...so as a lazy bugger all I can say is 'Ab tumhare hawale watan saathiyo'